The word mom means a lot of things

(This is the third in a series of posts about my trip out West, a trip as an adoptee to see my biological family, spend time with my daughter and her adoptive parents during her second birthday, and a road trip with my best friend filled with new experiences!)

So a little background if you are new to the blog: My birth mother Erica was a young teenager when she became pregnant. My biological father proposed, feeling that it was the right thing to do, he was also in the Marine Corps and about to deploy to South Korea if I remember correctly. Erica knew they could barely raise themselves let alone a baby. So a semi-open adoption was the plan.

Here we are 32 years later. She is so warm and so kind and hilarious and smart. She is also an incredible horse woman! Sarah and I left the Sawtooth Mountains and loved our drive to Lewiston. The landscape changed constantly and each sight was more breathtaking than the next.

With a few minor GPS hiccups we just made it to Erica's Drill practice at 8 p.m. just at the tail end but I was just so impressed with the quick pace, abrupt stops, turns and choreography she mastered on her horse with her other drill teammates. It was really fun to watch! She made a comment how as she's gotten older, she's just not quite as fearless as she used to be, but she looked fearless to me!

My birth mom Erica and Hoss

I also love that she claims me wholly and unabashedly. She introduced Sarah and I to her teammates introducing me as her daughter.

We followed her back to the ranch. After tent camping, a bed is the best thing ever! We headed into town and stopped at the shop they own and work at: Orchards Pawn, Guns & Tack. Erica's husband Ken was there and gave me a big hug. I don't know what his feelings are in regards to me, he's not a "feelings" type of guy, but what I do know is I always feel welcome and it's so clear he loves Erica and supports her, he helped Erica raise my brother JC and sister Amber.

                                Erica and Ken at the shop with his "ball and chain"

                                I call this Erica's side with all the tack

                                                           I call this Ken's side
   

I always learn something new about guns!

My brother JC actually lives right next to the shop, he works nights and was exhausted so we didn't spend a lot of time together but as a fellow rider I asked to see his Harley. He has an adorable German Shepherd named Abby. I spent about a week with him when he was stationed in Anchorage in 2011, so I think it had been about six years since I last saw him. He is out of the Air Force and doing some things that sound really interesting!

We let JC get to bed and went out to grab a bite to eat. We had some really interesting discussions. My grandparents had mentioned they sent Erica to the Marian Pritchett School in Boise Idaho for pregnant teens to protect her from bullying, not out of a sense of shame. To hear Erica's side, it seemed like Grandpa was really mad and had a temper (must run in the family, i know i do!) and she felt maybe it was more out of anger and shame.

Sarah and I did an little research and the Marian Pritchett School is still around! Their mission is

"to provide a confidential, safe environment for pregnant young women and parenting teen mothers and fathers who want to learn about pregnancy and parenting while earning their high school diploma."

Pretty neat! Especially because Erica made a lifelong friend at the school who currently lives near Niagara Falls. It was interesting to me that her friend made the decision to raise her child while Erica chose adoption. I wonder if it was hard for her to be around babies right after giving birth to me.

One of my dearest friends, Jaclyn and I were pregnant at the same time. She got me through A LOT. I must have sent her a million, "is this normal?" texts, and insomnia texts and i'm a hot mess texts. Her daughter was born about seven weeks after BB. I was there and I don't remember anything except being ecstatic for Jaclyn and just being there for her as a friend.

During lunch with Sarah and Erica, Erica mentioned how nervous she was to meet me. I don't know if I was in a haze or what but I don't remember a lot of the emotions leading up to meeting her. I remember needing to help my mom with her emotions, she just needed some assurance she was not being replaced. I must have worried if she would like me, love me, claim me, be proud of me, etc.

What I do remember is getting out of the rental van and Erica just grabbing my hand and not letting go, I needed that. It was immediate connection and assurance. There was a video where an adoptee says, "I didn't realize it but maybe I had been waiting for that hug for (in my case) for 18 years."

This visit felt a little different to me. Maybe it was because I could understand her on a level I couldn't before. I wanted to be closer to her and more affectionate. My grandpa when talking to me about Erica would say "your mom" this or "your mom" that, and I used to have such a hard time with that because I felt I was disrespecting my (adoptive) mom's title.

I don't feel that way anymore. I have a deeper understanding that as a parent can love multiple children, a child can love multiple parents.

Each relationship will be very different and that it's no longer the word "mom" that causes me to pause. I can now say the word mom in reference to Erica and think unconditional love, special bond, adoption, birth mom.

I can say the word mom in reference to my (adoptive) mom and think unconditional love, parent, history, best friend, protector, etc. Same word, but very different feelings associated with each.

After picking up Ken's car from the dealership from an oil change we went shopping to pick up a few things. Sarah and I were clearly going through Game of Thrones withdraw:

                                  Mother of 2 dragons and umm a dinosaur haha!

                              My other favorite photo was of Sarah and Erica's dog Abby:

The rest of the trip included amazing pizza, hanging out with horses, sheep and goats. Erica really seems like she's in her element and happy on the ranch, and I love seeing that!

It was another short visit, but a wonderful one. I was bummed my sister Amber couldn't make it, her kids were sick so I completely understand not wanting to travel! I've met my niece Amerie and get to be an adoring aunt from far away. I haven't had the opportunity to meet my nephew yet, but I hope to change that soon!

We talked a bit about coming back out to Idaho for a visit with BB, Macie and Tom. I know for me it's always easier to say goodbye when there are future plans scheduled.

Next stop on our trip: Coeur D'Alene for lunch and then Glacier National Park!



Oh and if you're interested in our shenanigans Sarah has a fantastic blog at http://www.thedepressedhiker.com/