Bismarck Visit.. part 2!

(This is my sixth in a series of posts about my trip out west, a trip as an adoptee to see my biological family, spend time with my daughter and her adoptive parents during her second birthday, and a road trip with my best friend filled with new experiences!)

                                              Here we are two years later!

No need to write a minute by minute detail account of the trip but some of our highlights included:

A walk by the river:

I learned that BB is not a morning person, and will hold her hand up and tell you "No!" She is not ready for an audience until she has watched one episode of mickey and had her yogurt. It's quite dramatic and adorable.

We started the day off with a trip to the river walk. I love that the Missouri River flows through Bismarck, ND. It's like a physical moving tie between St. Louis and Bismarck. We started off at a great little cafe/coffee/bike shop. It was a gorgeous day and we had a chance to check out some incredible art representing the balance male/female, plants/animals, water/sky, spirit and creation.

This bridge as I understand it is iconic "Bismarck." Macie has some incredible art that includes this bridge at Loupine Design! I have some of her art hanging in my living room, I love it!

The Starving Rooster - Tom recently accepted an amazing opportunity to be a professor! He was helping some of the Freshmen move in and met Sarah, Macie, Myself and BB at a restaurant called the Starving Rooster. The place has great food, more importantly the head chef took the time to come out and talk to Sarah about her allergies. I will always tell people if they give her meat, she will die and I really like her and they will have a problem if anything ever happens to her. Sarah chimes in and says the allergic reaction won't happen for a few hours and she won't be their problem. (I know where her epi pen is and I know how to use it!)

                                                Tom and BB at the Starving Rooster :)

We took an opportunity to have a girls shopping day. I love all the shops in Bismarck Macie takes us to. A shop girl completely melted over BB. It went a little something like this:

Shopgirl: Well hello there!
BB: Hi!
Shopgirl: How are you?
BB: Party tomorrow!
Shopgirl: You're having a party tomorrow. Is it your birthday? How old will you be?
BB: (Thinks for a minute) Two!
Shopgirl: Oh my gosh two! What kind of party are you going to have?
BB: CAAAAKE!

Then BB started an all out dance party in the middle of the store everyone joined in on, it was hilarious and a complete blast!

                                               (Sarah and BB during girls shopping day!)

Later in the evening Tom took Sarah and I for a really fun ride in their jeep to go on a ghost tour of Bismarck. The city has a fascinating story.

       - It was founded by a madame. 
       - The history includes: gunfights, stabbings, prostitutes, gambling, prohibition,
         corruption, death, conflicts, fires and even a ghost story or two!
       - There are tunnels that run under the city, I had no idea!
       - I fell in love with the wet plate collaboration "Murderer's Gulch:"

Macie stayed at home with BB for the event. Thankfully it wasn't too creepy, but not a good event for a 2 year old for sure.

We walked around Bismarck a bit more after the tour because it was such a perfect night out and I asked Tom if we could show Sarah the Bismarck Alley Art. It was a work in progress when I was there last. A few more murals have been added since last year!

(photo above by Bismarck Alley Art) 

These are two of my favorites: 



The next morning it was officially party time! Macie and BB have a special bonding mother/daughter outing to get Tacos on Tuesdays so the theme of BB's party was adorable: "Taco Twosday!"

I loved getting to spend time BB's aunts, cousins and grandparents! They love BB so incredibly much.  Hugs, laughter, great food, party hats, and noise makers ensued.

Sometimes I notice Sarah worries that maybe she is dominating a conversation or talking too much. I don't think I've ever had that thought one time. Her story telling ability, willingness to share and openness is actually one of my favorite things about her. She tells the best stories and can bring an entire room to tears through laughter.

She was there with me in the hospital the day BB was born. She's had the opportunity to meet Macie and Tom and see BB, but this was different. I loved that Sarah got to see and experience BB in her own element surrounded by the love of her parents and her family.

Through the wonders of modern day technology we got to FaceTime with my folks back in Virginia while they were on their sailboat. BB exclaimed, "let me see!" and hugs and kisses the phone. We are butter in the palm of her adorable hand. She opened up a cute monkey card from my sister and really enjoyed the puzzles my parents got her. I surprised her with a few dress up kits and some play dough thanks to the wonderful recommendations from BB's mom. I really appreciated the recommendations because there was no way I was going to be able to one-up a scrap book with her adoption story in it.

After the party myself, Sarah, Tom, Macie and BB headed to mass. Tom was doing a reading and as he walked back to our pew BB excitedly exclaims, "Hi Daddy!"

I had to really laugh at myself though because during communion I'm used to two lines for bread and two separate lines for wine. Thinking I was just going to the shorter line for bread, I skipped right to wine.. whoops! That will make for a hilarious confession I'm sure.

It was nice to sing, to be in the light, play with BB, and enjoy the company of family and their community. BB is wonderful at making friends everywhere she goes! My prayers were full of gratefulness. A man in the elevator at work told me yesterday, "The more praise and thanks that go up, the more blessings rain down." I think that's true.

Also, I would call myself a cafeteria catholic. I choose the things that make my soul feel good and whole, and don't participate in negative things. I will always love the LGBTQ community and will never judge another woman for the choices she makes in regards to her body and life. Those are deeply personal and I would never presume to know what's best for anyone else.

Following mass, Tom and Macie's families were wonderful and met us for dinner. BB immediately made new friends with the servers. I could not believe after her party and mass she was still going strong. The adults were exhausted!

As a last birthday surprise Tom and Macie set up a projector with birthday balloons that filled the walls and ceiling of the house. We were all mesmerized.

One of the wonderful things about Macie and Tom is that they are always up for an adventure and cool with any requests to do weird things. Enter the  world's largest fiberglass Holstein cow sculpture! It sure was windy but I learned a lot about wind farms and Sue's purpose is "to honor and advertise the dairyman of our area ... the hardworking, persistent, and informed dairyman who is an asset to his community, church, the economy, and his family.

Macie and I were impressed that BB was not freaked out by the cow at all. In fact she charged right up the hill in her dad's arms and pet that big 'ol cow.

One of our last adventures was on the Lewis and Clark Riverboat. It was a wonderfully relaxing way to see some of the river. Poor BB was a little exhausted from all her fun birthday shenanigans. She desperately wanted to go swimming, to jump right off the boat and into the water. 

She had a melt down, as two-year olds do. I sat there smiling like a goofball because I was in awe of the way Macie and Tom parented her. They didn't bribe her or compromise they just had a conversation as to why it was a bad idea. She calmed down right away and curled into her mom's lap. For her good behavior we walked down to a boat ramp after the riverboat tour was over and splashed around in the water a little bit together. It seems she loves being around/in the water as much (if not more!) than I do.

I love her spirit!

We're not perfect, but we're figuring out this wonderful journey of adoption together, and I couldn't be more thankful. I already miss them and can't wait until we are all together again!

Up Next: Adventures in the Badlands!

Two years.

I'm writing this post a bit late as I was in Southbridge, Mass. for two weeks of intense leadership training. When I say intense... 15 hour days that start with a 5 a.m. PT (Physical Training) session and whole lot of group bonding and deep sharing.. my apologies for the delay!

As I write this, it's November! National Adoption Month check out the History of Adoption Month here.

BB's (baby blue eye's) second birthday started in a very similar way to her first birthday. I woke up and thought about what everyone in this wonderful house was doing and thinking two years ago. It was a planned C-section because BB was a week past her due date without contractions and hadn't dropped, waiting much longer she would be too big and it would cause extra complications. 

Sooo much anxiety that day. Could I make it through an epidural? Would Dutch reach out? How much would this hurt? How do I navigate respecting everyone's feelings but make sure I set the foundation of the way I want this future to look? Would Macie and Tom change their minds? Would BB be born healthy? Please oh please just let her be healthy!

I am bringing this little life into the world, it's really scary to feel responsible for the existence of a human life and hand the responsibility of her safety, health and happiness over to someone else. There were a lot of "what ifs" running around my head.

My parents were in a hard place of not agreeing with my decision but also knowing what it meant to be in Tom and Macie's shoes as hopeful adoptive parents.

Sarah's voice would pop into my head, "make decisions from a place of love and not a place of fear." Best advice ever. I sure wish the current me could have talked to me in that moment.

I would tell her: This is the most amazing decision you could ever make. This provides BB with two of the most incredible parents you could ever imagine. You don't know Tom and Macie super well yet, but you love them already. That love will grow even more and develop into a really fantastic friendship to share stories and photos and experiences.  

You want her to be able to travel? Well let me tell you, she will have a passport and visit Canada before she even turns two! BB will even meet your grandparents and Aunt in St. Louis. Joe will even find her the coolest Clydesdale stuffed animal during a tour.

 You wanted her to have a foundation of faith? You'll get to sit in mass together and thank god and tell him how grateful you are and watch her claim gleefully "Hi Daddy!" as Tom completes a reading. 

You wanted her to have the big family you didn't get to experience? Well she will have the most incredible bond with Macie's mom. It's beautiful. You know she's a little ball of light, and she's going to share that light, and when they are together.. they shine! She will have incredible aunts, an uncle, and cousins who ADORE her. She will get to spend time on a farm and around horses and dogs. That little girl LOVES dogs. Her parents will be more than you could have ever asked for. The way she curls up on Macie in the morning when first getting up and the way she cheerfully greets them, "Hi Mommy!" and "Hi Daddy!" will completely melt your heart. 

You wanted her to grow up in a place where education is important? You're going to have all kinds of fun conversations about her already established college fund and her dad will soon be promoted to a professor. 

There will be a lot of fun surprises along the way. She will LOVE to read, she will love dogs as much (if not even more!) than you do. She will bring soo much light and love and laughter into sooo many people's lives. You'll enjoy this and feel so fulfilled that the only thing you can do is stand back and let out a small thank you to the universe. You will be able to brag about her at work and show off pictures. She will LOVE being in Macie and Tom's Jeep! She's a jeep girl after your own heart. It's a wonderful jumbled mix of nature and nurture at work.

With a lot of help along the way, you made the right decision. No doubt! Enjoy the laughs and bonding in the hospital, you'll survive the struggles and fights with your mom. You won't understand until later how much she's hurting too. Be kind to yourself, you want to be around for as long as possible to support BB as her Jacquie, as her birthmother in any and every way she may need that you aren't even aware of yet. This is only year two.. there's a lifetime of adventure ahead!  

P.S. your favorite guilty pleasure will still be "Teen Mom." You'll watch a young mother be abandoned by a man who went against adoption with every fiber in his body and then failed to show up. You'll watch the mother of that girl tell her how much of her future has been robbed by having to be a single mother for the second time. You'll watch the struggles of those families and know over and over again you made the right decision.Your heart will also break a little each time you see Catlynn and Tyler on the show and watch the relationship with the adoptive parents deteriorate, you've seen it happen to other birthmother's and decide to work a little harder on educating families and helping birth mothers. 

P.S. You'll be on your way to complete your Master of Arts Degree in Defense and Strategic Studies at the Naval War College and have the opportunity of a lifetime for leadership training. You wouldn't accomplish those things for yourself had you made a different decision. Thank you for making the right decision for both BB and yourself. 

*Next year I'd love to include Macie and Tom's side of everything they experienced, thought and felt that day :)

Up Next:

• A walk by the river
• The Starving Rooster
• Girls Shopping Day
• Ghost Tour
• Bismarck's Art Alley
• Salem Sue
• Birthday Party
• Mass
• Dinner
• Riverboat Tour