Here she is trying rice cereal for the first time with the bib my sister sent her!
Still Fighting Hospital Bills
It has been a very interesting couple of weeks. First, I thought all of BB's hospital claims through my insurance were settled but nope! I shall keep fighting the good fight!
Adoption and My Work
Work has been interesting. People have been shifting to different offices and cubicles so co-workers who are not usually in my space have been in my area. I have pictures of BB on my desk, so naturally they ask questions. It usually starts off with, "is that your daughter? She looks just like you! She has the most striking blue eyes."
I agree with them and brag about her but I never hesitate to tell them I placed her for adoption and what an amazing family she has. Some responses have included, "You should have kept her. She should be with you, you're well enough off," and my favorite was a discussion that I must cry all day and cry myself to sleep when I'm at home over my decision.
Umm, you very clearly do not know me. Do you see me smile every time our eyes meet? Has my work faltered? Am I mess? No. Do you know why? Because I made the best decision for BB, I've never had a single doubt about that.
I miss her. I wish I could be there for more of the every day moments. I constantly ask myself if I'm doing enough to be there for her or if I'm doing too much.
I will say as I reflect on everything that has happened in the past six months, I haven't really talked about my office. I had no idea I was pregnant when they hired me in April, about five months along at that point.
When I found out in July and needed to ask for maternity leave (our wonderful government with its unpaid leave) I was worried they would judge me and just assume I had hidden the pregnancy from them. I couldn't have been more wrong. They were wonderful. They were nothing but supportive. They even showed up to the hospital the day BB was born. That meant more to me than they will ever know.
They check in on me often and even our SES and his deputy check in on me regularly. They are very interested in hearing about how adoption is changing and how this open adoption concept works.
BB's Parents
I'm so thankful every day that Tom and Macii are BB's parents. Macii's father recently passed due to a stroke. My heart just broke for them. Tom sent me a text to let me know they would be behind on updates because they had so much going on. I told them I completely understood and asked if we could send flowers. (We did, with love from our Va Family to our ND Family.) Not only was I sad for Macii, but I was sad that I would never get to meet the amazing man who raised Macii. At the same time I was so grateful that he got to meet BB and there are so many wonderful photos of BB with him.
In the same text they let me know they have their tickets to D.C. and I absolutely can not wait to see them! I've been keeping busy moving into my new place and getting everything set up. I'll post some pics in my next blog.
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