Merry Christmas!

It has been weighing on mind how to approach Macii and Tom about scheduling our first visit with them and BB but I didn't want to rush them or pressure them into it.

Well they completely made my Christmas by sending a beautiful photo collage of BB's many expressions and with a text they will be visiting us in D.C. this April! I can't wait! So this is now sitting on my desk at work:

 

As amazing as Christmas was, it had a few downs. My grandfather and his wife were supposed to join us for dinner on Christmas with my friends. Well my grandfather worries about everything non-stop and often makes himself physically sick. He called and said he was not feeling well and would just drop a few gifts off.

When he stopped by my mom asked him if he was really sick or did he make himself sick and he replied that he had not felt welcome at our house since the adoption. (He and his wife did not stop by the hospital when BB was born and said adoption was unnatural.)

They wouldn't have been invited over if they weren't wanted. They don't have to agree with my decision and I don't have to agree with their opinion, but that doesn't mean we don't want them around.

I just walked away from the conversation. Shortly after my friends arrived and had to walk right into a family confrontation, thankfully they are incredibly understanding!

Is it April yet?


Check out these other blog posts i've been writing:

 Adoption Myth 3 - Birth Parents will Forget About Their Child
Amy's Story Part 3

You know you chose the best parents when...

One of the questions Macii and Tom asked during the phone interview was if I had any family traditions I would want BB to grow up with. I couldn't think of a single one.

As I post pictures to BB's private facebook group, I'm realizing that there are traditions I would love to share with her. This past weekend on Dec. 12 was Wreaths Across America. I posted all the photos below to the page with the message, "Good Morning everyone! It's difficult to get into the holiday spirit when it's 70 degrees! That is NOT normal for this area in December. One of the holiday traditions I've had for the past five years is to lay a wreath at Arlington National Cemetery. The organization called Wreaths Across America wants our nation to remember our nation's heroes, honor them and teach others about them by coordinating wreath laying ceremonies at Arlington National Cemetery as well as veterans cemeteries and other locations in all 50 states and beyond. 241,000 wreaths were distributed for placement at the graves of the fallen.This year was particularly special because Aunt Sarah's boyfriend Dan got to place a wreath at his stepfather's grave."

Tom wrote back, "I love that you do this! BB and I talk often about the importance of volunteering, and I'm excited to give her another amazing example. (Side note: It's a true story that these are the conversations we have. Macii's discussions with her are far more age appropriate.)"

I hope one day we will all get to participate in the event together.  It may sound lame, but my heart keeps growing bigger and i'm shown every day that adoption was the best thing for BB. 

We shipped a big box of presents to BB, Macii and Tom, I'll post a picture after Christmas is over :)

And a bunch of pictures from Wreaths Across America:

Baby showers and things they don't tell you

To add to my list of things no one tells you:

Hair Loss!! ahhh!! The average person loses 100 hairs a day, but during pregnancy you lose far less than that due to raging hormones. Now that the pregnancy is over, the body compensates and loses extra hair for the first six months after delivery. But don't worry -- your hair will soon return to its normal growth cycle. (can that be now? Now would be good.) UGH! It's really thinning above my temples and my forehead, lovely.

I did a few things right after BB was born that I'm not sure I would recommend for others. Two weeks after my C-section I went to my friend's baby shower. It was mostly hilarious with her husband's grandmother telling the best stories and really funny games. I've always considered Jaclyn's family my own. She and I would vacation with each others families when we were college roommates. It was great as always to see her mom and mutual friends we have.

There were a few moments when I was sad, birth parents don't get to have baby showers. I wouldn't get to be in a room surrounded by my aunt and grandmother and friends playing games and just enjoying all the love for the baby I gave birth too. There was also a very adorable little blonde haired girl running around as toddlers do and it made me wonder what BB would look like as she got older and what kind of personality she would develop.

I was also comforted by the thought Macii and Tom would get three baby showers! BB was welcomed into that family with more love than I ever knew was even possible.

A couple of months later in October after my first day back to work, I went to the hospital to visit Jaclyn who had just given birth to her beautiful daughter Emilia who is a miracle. She was born 4 lbs 10 oz and didn't need the NICU or any additional support. She will be two months old on Sunday and is really growing! She weighed in yesterday at 8 lbs. 10 oz. which was BB's birth weight.

I mention all of this because I've spent some time the past couple of days with Jaclyn and Emilia. I'm really grateful to get a glimpse into what life is like with a newborn. I get an idea of what I'm missing out on. It also reaffirms my decision. The exhaustion and the pressure of being responsible for a human life... I don't think anyone can really prepare you for that. I couldn't have done that alone while trying to work. Jaclyn and her husband make a good team and their beautiful happy healthy daughter is proof of that.

Sure, i'm missing out on the first smiles, the first laugh, the first everything, but BB gets to grow up in a much more loving and calm environment with her parents than she would have with me.

Emilia and I hanging out yesterday :)

If you are looking for more to read check out my additional blog posts on Graceful Adoptions' Page:

Adoption Myth Two; Birth Parents are to be Feared

Amy’s Story Part One: Life or Death?

Adoption and Foster Care Expo

Carnegie Library

Today was amazing! You know what the best part was? I found out I have some biases where adoption is concerned, I didn't even realize it, but it came to light and I changed my mind.

I met several incredible single women who wanted to learn about adoption. I realized I never even considered a single person to be the parent of my daughter. I grew up with two parents, I wanted her to grow up with two parents. I wouldn't have hesitated to adopt to either of the women I had an opportunity to sit down and talk to. I had no idea I had a bias, I didn't even realize I felt that way, but now that I do, I can change it.

On my way!


It takes a village to raise a child and they both had amazing support from their families. Whichever child is chosen to be placed with them will never lack any amount of love.

The hard part is how to help them be noticed on the same level a couple would be. The answer would be to have the birth parent(s) meet her, but that in itself can be quite a hurdle.

To those who I got to meet today, thank you so much for listening to my story, but more than that.. thank you for sharing your experiences, your hopes and your fears with me. I shook each of your hands as you left but I really just wanted to embrace you as a friend in a huge hug and thank you for opening your hearts.

Seeing Karen (founder of Graceful Adoptions) and Mark (my phenomenal adoption attorney) today felt like seeing old friends.

I learned so much about foster care and that the children who need the most love will show it in the most unloving ways.

As I shared my own story I realized birth parents aren't really thought of during the process for most agencies and for most potential adoptive parents. I also learned adoptive parents share a lot of the same fears.

The Adoption & Foster Care Expo in D.C. is free to the public and provided an exclusive one meet of adoption professionals as well as current adoptive and foster parents who shared their knowledge and personal stories.

Some of the topics included:

Adoption A-Z
There are many ways to adopt a child, and key steps in the process to foster parent also. Public and private agency experts in the field of domestic and international adoption present all the information you need to know about the adoption process from the home study, training, and placement process.

Exploring the Adoption Options: A Legal Overview
Adoption attorneys outlined the different types of adoption: international, independent, domestic, private agency and domestic public agency. The requirements and process associated with each type of adoption were explored.

Mentoring
Do you want to get involved but you're not in a place to be a foster parent or to adopt? Mentors provide invaluable support to children in foster care. Learning about how to positively impact a child's life through mentoring and hearing from mentors and mentees about the rewards of mentoring was something that was new to me.

Foster/Adopting the Older Child
Hearing from adoptive parents and young adults who were fostered and then adopted as teenagers...what their process was like. Foster parents shared their perspective about the process of loving and  letting go, and why they have chosen to serve their community in this unique way.

Preparing to Adoption: A Lifelong Journey

A basic understanding was given about the developmental stages of adoption. Learning about the cycle of grief and loss for children, what to expect after you bring your child home and when and how to obtain  post

Also, I meant every word, if you want to talk through your experience and have someone there to bounce ideas off of.. my door is always open to you.

My cell phone is 703-969-1525 and my email is Jacqueline.Leeker@gmail.com.

This is short and not as engaging as most of my posts but I'm happily exhausted from meeting so many amazing people!

I'll write more on this later, I just wanted to thank you for checking out the blog and please feel free to reach out to me with any questions.

You had ONE job! .. well two.

I asked my mom the other night during dinner if she reads my blog. She said she has read a few posts here and there. She mentioned to me that she found it surprising that I write about such personal topics and that i'm so open about anything including very personal topics.

It's true. Prior to this experience, I was a very private person except for those who I was closest with. I don't think my family even knew I was dating Dutch until at least a year into it. My dad was diagnosed with cancer in January, and again except to the very few I was closest with,  didn't share that information until April.

I told my mom, "before this experience, I didn't see a benefit to being open. I don't want everyone in my personal business." Now being open has a purpose. When I was in a complete panic over an unplanned pregnancy, I was looking for information and I couldn't find anything to relate to, to help me come to an informed decision, research, personal experiences, you name it. This also serves as something I can re-read to reflect on experiences, it's cathartic and something to leave for BB if it's something she ever wants to read.

When I was looking, most of the information I found was entirely too religious based, others I couldn't relate to, so I decided to share my story in the hopes to help someone, anyone, everyone. Guess what? I even get paid to blog now. I would always just smile and nod at people who would say.. money will follow your passion.

I am absolutely passionate about veterans and helping them get hired, but if I won the lottery would I continue to work 8-4 mon-fri? Probably not.I do love helping people though, and I will talk to anyone anytime about adoption and I'd do it for free. Money does follow your passion.

My mom and I also had a conversation about birth control. I had a procedure done yesterday. I got the birth control implant called Nexplanon implanted in my arm. If you are squeemish, don't scroll down! I had no idea about the implant until talking to my very dear friend Laura, so I want others to be aware of it as well.

Birth control makes me nervous  now because the shot didn't work. I very seriously looked and wanted the Essure procedure.  It is a permanent, non-surgical transcervical sterilization procedure for women. Permanent. I decided against it, if an unplanned pregnancy happens again, I would go the essure route, but I want to try this so that I have the option to change my mind. I have an option to be a surrogate mother for friends if we decide to go that route, it was a topic just glossed over, but a topic discussed none the less.I have the option to have another child, if I choose to do so, not anytime soon mind you!

I took a sick day from work because I wasn't sure how I was going to feel. I arrived for my appointment. It was really strange being back in the baby doctor office. The doctor who delivered my daughter was the same one who completed the procedure on me. I signed a consent form and was given a shot of lidocaine.  

I had to lay on the table for five minutes. I freaked out a little bit because I kept poking my arm to see if it was numb. Is it numb now? *poke* nope. It's been two minutes. It is numb now? *poke* nope. Oh my gosh, what happens if they inject this thing into me and i'm not numb?!

The procedure took five minutes and I didn't feel a thing. I was told not to lift anything and not to exercise for one week. Well, I took my bandages off before I was supposed to and carried dog food down to the basement. OUCH! OUCH! OUCH!

 I thought to myself.. YOU HAD ONE JOB DUM DUM! Well two jobs, no lifting and no exercise, but that's beside the point.

Note to self: Do not join a running streak when you have a medical procedure at the beginning of the streak. Fail. Although I did get about 98 miles in for the month of October. WIN! I have a lot of pain in my ankles and tightness in my calf muscles when I run now. I just have to keep reminding myself that it will be a long slow process for ligaments and my body to work anything like it used to. 

Patience young padawan. 

I'm going to WALK on the treadmill tomorrow, I promise. There may be a small amount of running involved. (Put your judgey mcjudgerson face away!)

Anyways, here is what it looks like:

Is there a male birth control option yet? I actually like that Nexplanon lasts 3 years, I can physically show the implant is there in my arm and I don't have to worry about forgetting to take a pill. It should be effective by day 5 according to my doctor. 

This isn't the right choice for everyone, but again just an option that you may not be aware of.