Through social media, I began to network with the wonderful Jacque Camlet. We send each other posts of dogs in each others' areas who need help. She has the biggest heart. When I started sharing my own story, she was brave and kind enough to share her own story with me. She didn't find out she was adopted until she was five, but found the path to healing when she and her husband adopted their daughter.Her amazing story in her words:
It was a beautiful spring afternoon in 1968. My mother was ironing clothes while watching her favorite soap opera, Love is a Many Splendored Thing. I also watched it with her as I played with my Barbie dolls. One of the main characters, Laura, played by actress Donna Mills, had just adopted a little girl named Maria.
Maria was about 5 years old which was about my age at that time. Maria was very mischievous but in a destructive way. In this episode, she pushed Laura down a flight of stairs intentionally. My mom and I were so shocked by the purposefulness of Maria’s actions. How could she do that to someone who wants and loves her? How could she do that to ANYONE?
The next conversation initiated by my mom would change my life FOREVER.
She asked, “How would you feel if you were Maria and you were adopted?” My answer? “I would be glad that someone wanted me an wanted to love me.” My mom’s next statement, “YOU were adopted!” I stared at her intensely, in disbelief, waiting for the “Just Joking.”
Was she joking with me just to see my reaction? Why would she joke about this with me? There was no additional response from her…How could this be? I didn’t believe her…she was lying to me. I had to ask my dad when he got home. He will tell me it’s not true.
5pm couldn’t come quickly enough. I don’t remember what happened between the time of my mother made her BIG announcement to me, to the time my dad came home. As quickly as he came in the door, I yelled, “Dad, mom said I was adopted. Tell her to stop lying to me!!”
He was stunned but the look I saw in his face as he glanced at my mother, in my heart, I knew...I just knew this was real. Who was I? Where did I come from? At that moment, my identity became black..there’s was no more color. GOD, why is this happening to me? Did you run out of love when you made me? Am I a mistake? GOD..I’m so LOST! GOD WHERE ARE YOU??!?!?!?! This would be my prayer, my plea for the next 35 years….
After my life changing discovery in 1968, my youth is remembered with much loneliness and the painful reality of being abandoned. I also had a next door neighbor, who I thought was my friend, that I shared this “news” to immediately after my discovery, only to be teased and humiliated by constantly.
The signs were always there. My adopted parents, both Filipino, always felt the need to “protect” me around other Filipinos when questioned why I looked different from them such as lighter skin color and brown hair. Instead of being honest with them AND me, they would respond with the fact that they had some Spanish ancestry that would be the reason for my differences.
Later, when the REVELATION was made to me, those answers would make me feel ashamed of being adopted and that “being adopted” was a shameful word. So, that added to all the pain and loneliness. I cried a lot especially under my bed so I wouldn’t be discovered. My saving grace was my sweet dogs who would accompany me under the bed and comfort me by licking my tears and laying their head on my body. THEY were the only ones who understood me and were my biggest supporters.
I grew to hate this ‘’birthmother” of mine and I would NEVER adopt a child so they could go through this same pain. As an adult, things got better but that painful loneliness never went away. I married in my early 30’s and we dreamed of many children. Unfortunately, that dream wasn’t going to come true. My battle with fibroid tumors would leave me barren, having multiple surgeries, and multiple tries with Invitro Fertilization. I was angry! I was so VERY angry with God! I was abandoned at birth by a MONSTER, why is God abandoning me too? Is it me? Am I not lovable? Was I a mistake? GOD WHERE ARE YOU?!??!! Have you forgotten about me?
At some point, Mike and I gave up the notion of having children and just decided to let go of the idea of becoming parents and decided to make other goals. We found King’s Grant Presbyterian Church and immediately got involved and busy. Our new church family prayed for us, unbeknownst to us until later. Spring of 2004, I got a call from my close friend, Cindy, who informed me that her friend Lynn had a discussion with one of her coworkers who said that her daughter was about to give birth in 5 weeks but couldn’t find a couple to adopt the baby.
She thought of Mike and I immediately and contacted Cindy. Cindy begged me to meet with this birthmom. I had NO intentions of going there. I was NOT going to adopt a baby. Besides, we had moved on. But, Cindy was VERY persistent and so I agreed to just meet this birthmom to appease her knowing this would go nowhere.
So, Mike and I arranged to meet the birthmom and her family a week later at a restaurant. As soon as I walked into the lobby of the restaurant, I saw the birthmom and my heart sank. I WAS LOOKING IN THE MIRROR! This birthmom not only looked like me but we had similar backgrounds. She was 5’2”, long brown hair, glasses, half Guamanian/half Caucasian. I was 5’2”, had long brown hair, glasses, half Filipino/half Caucasian. This was undeniably God’s doing, God’s work.
We decided to obey God’s direction and go ahead with the process. In the 5 + weeks, I really got to bond with the birthmom, Kristina. She was sweet and really loved her baby but had no choice but to give her up. She was 17, hadn’t finished high school, no job and still a dependent herself.
During an intervention/interview with us, the birthmom and the adoption agency we hired as our guide, the agency director asked Kristina if she wanted to hold the baby after the birth. She stated “NO.” I was overcome with hurt emotions thinking of my birthmom and how she probably didn’t get to see my little hands, little feet, eyes, nose…everything about me. Tears rolled and rolled and I implored her to please change her mind and hold her baby. She needed to do it for her, she needed to do it for the baby, she needed to do it for ME. She was my connection to my own birthmom.
The baby, a girl, came 2 weeks late….it was a happy blessing for our family but a painful one for the birthmom. Kristina loved her baby girl very much but made a selfless sacrifice so her child could have a chance at a better life than what she had and a better outcome than what was happening for her at the time. I hurt for her and at that moment, I hurt for my own birthmom.
You see…the real miracle wasn’t that Mike and I finally got a family, but in this whole experience my hurt was finally healed and my loneliness finally comforted. Our baby girl, Maddie, was a BIG HUGE bonus to that miracle. I realized that my birthmother wasn’t a monster afterall – I saw that in Kristina. Kristina became the connection that I was longing for in my own birthmom. God DID finally answer my prayers but in His timing and in HIS way…boy was that timing and way undeniably and definitely perfect!! All that time that I was wondering where God was, HE was actually weaving my beautiful story so that I could not only share it with my own daughter but with others.
Sure, there are many times I would still think (lovingly) about my birthmom and wondering if I had any siblings. My prayer for her is that she is ok and I hope to someday meet her either in this earthly life or in our heavenly life so I can thank her for loving me so selflessly and so abundantly. To GOD be the glory of this life of mine!!
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