For my father.

I have always had a really close relationship with my dad. He's just one of those good people, down to the bone, to his very soul kind of good person. We sing in our church choir together when I attend.  I've never in my 30 years of existence seen him put himself before anyone else.

 (Dad holding a baby sea turtle)

I certainly can't say that about myself. Can you?

I think his pecking order of importance would go:
1. God
2. Family
3. Country

Although, throughout his military career I would argue that country came before family more often than not for more than 20 years. 

 (Dad :) 

I will never know how my mom raised two kids, took care of the house and pets and played the role of two parents during his deployments. It boggles my mind.

His military career provided everything we needed. Those military values and my parent's values  shaped the person I am today. How many little kids throw a temper tantrum and then sit on their dad's lap to have a conversation about what integrity is and how to have it?

He's one of the smartest people I know. He's a Nuclear Engineer. The man can remember what page he wrote an equation on from a Naval Academy Book he hadn't seen since 1979. In laymen terms, he and his team invent things to save the Navy money. People have told him to sell his patents and become rich. No, they belonged to the government he said. This is just a small example of the level of intelligence and integrity this man has. He's also a smart ass with a great sense of humor. He is in his element when he wears a Life is Good Shirt dancing around his sail boat with a beer in his hand trimming the sails. He's a wonderful example of how a man should treat and love his partner. If I end up with half the amount of love they have in a relationship,  I'd be happy for life.

When I told my mom about being pregnant she asked if I wanted to keep it between us, have me tell my dad or her to tell my dad. I told her it was too much to ever keep a secret but I asked her to tell him. I was afraid he would be disappointed and I wasn't in a place I could shoulder that. He had been battling a rare cancer since December and recently completed radiation at the time. I didn't want to add stress to everything he was going through.

 (Dad and I in Belize, sailing and snorkeling at second largest barrier reef)

If he was disappointed, he didn't show it. The second week after finding out, my mom went out of town on a conference. She was not as available to talk and ask for updates. My Dad called me every single night during the week she was gone and had me over for dinner twice.

He calls his mom and my aunt every evening at 6:30 p.m. My aunt had been diagnosed with a horrible cancer caused by second hand smoke and my grandfather's dementia was getting worse by the day and needed to be moved into assisted living. They didn't think he would be living longer than a month. My dad would send flowers when they had rough days and he talked to my grandfather to shoulder the guilt of telling him he would be living somewhere else.

It meant a lot my dad made an effort to call me every night that week. He made it clear he and my mom were willing to do anything and everything to help me keep BB. He was a bit pushy but I think that was because he too wanted nothing more than to be a grandfather. Before I had made my decision I told him how raw and emotionally sad I felt about my daughter not having a father in her life. 

(Dad. Mom. Aunt Jan at Faust Park in St. Louis)

She wouldn't have someone to coach her softball games like he did mine. She wouldn't have someone to put Barbie's head back on when her sister's Ninja Turtles decapitated Barbie Land. He did that for me.  She wouldn't have a father figure to teach her how to drive a manual, work on cars or fix breakfast.  (of course single parents can do all these things, but you see where I'm going with this). He said it was no problem, he would be there.

No doubt he would have been there, probably even more so for my daughter than he was for me (and im not saying that in a jealous way), but again.... that wasn't what was best for my daughter. I wanted her to have it all. To grow up around a couple who loved each other, to have both parents. He stopped pushing as soon as I made up my mind. It was heart breaking to make a choice he didn't agree with.

I need to tell him I really appreciated him for not pushing me after that, for never making it about him and in general for making my life easier.

Dad stuck up for me when my grandfather and his wife on my mom's side said adoption was unnatural and I should keep her. My mom's sister is adopted. I am adopted. Did they forget that? They had no problem saying their daughter should place her girls for adoption because she couldn't care for them. Yet it was wrong when it was my decision?

The family had come over for a birthday meal and my dad said if they made me uncomfortable or if they said God was against adoption, he would ask my Grandfather's wife.. who made you God? It doesn't seem like much, but it's quite snarky coming from him.

I invited those grandparents to the hospital to meet her, they said it would be too difficult. Not meeting her is completely their own loss.

My dad missed a lot of sailing weekends to help me move and take me to the hospital. If I went into labor in my studio apartment I was alone, except for my Bullmastiff Max, who probably would have napped through the entire experience. I would not recommend moving in the month of July two weeks before your due date. It is hot and miserable!

(My dad in his happy place! Sailing.)

Having the Facebook Group for my daughter really helps my Dad because I can text him pictures and he can proudly show coworkers when they ask. Again, he may not be in BB's life the way he wants, but she makes him a grandpa and he will get to see her with me once a year.

(My dad holding BB :)