1: "China’s one-child policy led to my adoption — and a more privileged life"
2: I gave my daughter up for adoption. Then I tried to be her mom.
Both articles demonstrate two very different types of adoption and experiences completely different from my own.
What I found most interesting was an observation that closed adoptions are unrealistic in today's society due to social media. I believe it. Birth parents search for their kids and adoptees search for their birth parents. The agencies are no longer the gatekeepers of information. We google.
I have some personal experience with this. My biological father married after I was born and had two daughters. They have no idea I exist. I am friends with my biological father on Facebook. He has mentioned his daughters and tagged them in his posts throughout the years. His original argument was they were too young to understand. They are in college now.
A small part of me resents him for not telling them. It robs us all of a potential relationship. As much as I would like to message them, I feel like that is his place to tell them, not mine. So I don't browse his page or look for updates on them, it's less sad that way.
There is an entire book I plan on reading titled Adoption Reunion in the Social Media Age, An Anthology
Closed adoptions are unrealistic with social media. That makes me happy. Inside you may be screaming, but what about the adoptive parent's privacy? What if the birth mother has their address?
I loved Karen's response when we talked about fearful adoptive parents. Karen's response is along the lines of asking"A birth mother can trust you with the life of her child, but you can't trust her with your address? She will have all of your contact information, because we will ensure she has it."
Thankfully, Macii and Tom have been open books. That is one reason of many wonderful reasons we were paired. Have I mentioned how wonderful they are? When they left after dinner over Labor Day weekend, we discussed how we would keep in touch. Our communications contract said at least quarterly updates with annual visits.
We decided a private Facebook group would be the way to go. Macii and Todd regularly update the page about once a week with photos, BB's personality and adventures. I post pictures of me and my family and things we are doing that we wish they could all be there for. I love that page. Macii and Tom posted a photo of BB in a cat outfit my parents had mailed her, I have never heard my mom make the noises she did. It sounded like a combination of a squeal, snort and laughter. It was the sound of absolute pure joy.
Macii's parents also wrote a letter to my parents introducing themselves and welcoming us to the family. The letter mentioned Macii's mom would be making a baptismal gown for BB and asked my mom if she would like to include some fabric. We couldn't find my gown so my mom included lace from a gown. It looks like they will be penpals for quite some time. I never expected that, but it helped reaffirm in their minds that this was meant to be and truly the best family for BB.
Macii, Tom and I still text a bit to share things privately, but I hope our using Facebook may give someone else the idea to do the same. So far it is working out wonderfully.
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