Would you be surprised to learn there is no American adoption law that applies to all adoptions in the U.S.? Domestic adoption only exists because each state has a statute allowing adoption. Each state handles adoptions differently,
Each state has very different laws, each organization has different hoops to jump through. My options were to have the adoption go through North Dakota or Virginia. Here's the break down:
VIRGINIA:
Baby can not be taken sooner than 72 hours after the baby is born.
In court, you and the adoptive parents must be present.
For the Father:
Consent may be taken before birth.
Unsure about if the father needs to be present.
Revocable for the Mother:
Up to 10 days after birth assuming you go to court between 7 and 10 days.
Revocable for the Father:
A letter is sent to the father with notice of the hearing, 10 days from the date the letter was mailed, it's irrevocable.
Counseling Requirement:
Must meet with a social worker from an adoption agency in VA to complete a Report of Joint Counseling
NORTH DAKOTA:
Consent for the Mother:
Not taken sooner than 48 hours after the child's birth.
Consent may be taken in court in person or by phone.
Consent for the Father:
No sooner than 48 hours after the child's birth
Same applies, if he isn't available for the hearing via phone, he will receive notice of the hearing and if he does not attend, his rights will be terminated based on failure to take action.
Revocable for the Mother:
Once you appear in court which is usually within one week following birth, depending on the court calendar and holidays.
Revocable for the Father:
Same applies. Once you appear in court which is usually within one week following birth, depending on the court calendar and holidays.
Counseling Requirement:
Forms are updated based on the counseling completed by my social worker throughout the process.
I chose North Dakota for reasons that worked best for me.
I also signed all my rights away before she was born. North Dakota needed the paperwork to schedule the court hearing, so it was not final but needed to get the case on the docket.
BB was born Sept. 3 and I called into the court hearing on Sept. 11. It was a sad day for a lot of reasons. Sitting there watching the news and documentaries on Sept. 11 just before calling into the court probably wasn't the best idea. I don't think I got out of bed that day, and that's ok.
They asked me if I was entering into it voluntarily, if I thought Tom and Marcii would be good parents, if I thought they would be good parents for BB's entire life, and again if I entered into this voluntarily. I did. It lasted maybe 10 minutes.
Dutch had his court date a couple weeks after mine. He was a no call no show.
Something else I didn't know as a birth mom:
ICPC - Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children. Before ICPC existed, if a North Dakota family adopted a child born in Virginia, Virginia could not apply its own adoption laws. If something went wrong with the placement, the state of Virginia could not do anything about it.
The ICPC aims to facilitate cooperation between states and to ensure the placement of children in safe and suitable homes. To accomplish these goals, the states endowed themselves with expanded jurisdictional powers and the authority to require advance approval before adopted children enter or leave their state.
Basically this meant Tom and Macii had to submit a bunch of paperwork and then when BB was born, they had to wait up to two weeks for the paperwork to be approved. They would be stuck in Virginia up to two weeks with BB after placing her with them.
My understanding on this last part is fuzzy, but now that Tom and Macii are home there is a six month evaluation period to see if they bond with the baby and if everything goes well, the adoption can be finalized in six months.
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