The First Meeting

To protect the privacy of my daughter and the couple I adopted to, I've changed their names.

BB- I called my daughter baby burrito when she was double swaddled in the hospital. I will refer to her as that.

Tom- her adoptive father, her dad. If I told you why I chose this, it would give away BB's true name.

Macii- her adoptive mother, her mom. Macii is Byelorussian for "mother" ... whatever Byelorussian is lol


So the date was set. I was so nervous! My parents and social worker reassured me and told me that I may be nervous, but the couple would be 100 times more nervous than what I was feeling.

I met Tom and Macii at Ted's Montana Grill on a Thursday evening. They brought me some really good salt water taffy from their home state and a beautiful piece of art work she had done. For an hour and a half we shared a delicious meal, talked about our families, about growing up, about my doctor's appointments and how our girl was doing. I had scanned the sonogram pictures earlier that day and gave the originals to the couple. We made plans for Friday and said good night. I knew after the phone call that this was the couple I wanted to adopt my children, but meeting them solidified my decision. If circumstances would have been different, I'd like to think the three of us would have been really good friends. Now, they are family.

On Friday we made a practice run to the hospital and I showed them where to go. The plan was Labor and Delivery would let them stay in a room across from mine as long as it was not needed by another mother delivering. We left the hospital and headed to my favorite restaurant, the Chart House. It seemed appropriate to take them to a seafood place when on the East Coast. Conversation was never forced. I gave them a very special book.

My parents read "The Mulberry Bird" to me. It is an adoption story from the perspective of the birthmother; describing her love for her baby and most importantly her efforts to provide for that baby. In the face of insurmountable obstacles she chooses an adoptive family. My parents read that story to me before I could talk and grasp the concept, so there was never a day I remember being told I was adopted, but it helped me understand.

 I gave my copy to Tom and Maccii while we were at the Chart House. I wanted to give them something that showed I cared deeply for them and was serious in choosing them. So I gave them the book that meant the most to me, a book they could read to our daughter and help her understand, a book that might connect us in new ways. I did not give them just any copy, I gave them my copy, the very book that I grew up with, the first book I would place on my book shelf anytime I moved.

Leaving the Chart House with warm hearts and full stomachs we walked across the street to the Torpedo Factory.  The Torpedo Factory is an old munitions plant turned art gallery.  It has more than 82 artist studios, seven galleries, an art school and cafe.

I chose it because I knew Macii is a talented artist who enjoyed mixed media and the location would provide a lot of things to talk about. Torpedo Factory has a wide variety of media including painting, ceramics, photography, jewelry, stained glass, fiber, printmaking, and sculpture. The artists invite visitors to join them in their studios. Learn about what inspires them, ask about the creative processes, and purchase original work for your own collection.

We had a fantastic time. I showed them my favorite artists and heard their opinions on different art works. 

After the Torpedo Factory, Macii and Tom dropped me off at my place and we made plans for Saturday. We would drive to Manassas for them to meet my sister and parents. We would have lunch and then head to a winery.

I received a text from my mom that night. She went off the deep end into crazy town. One of the questions I was asked during my conversation with the adoption agency was if I would mind if the couple had fertility issues or not. I did not mind at all. If a couple wanted to love my daughter unconditionally, it didn't matter to me how they came to that decision. Also, perhaps a couple who didn't have fertility issues wouldn't feel pressured to adopt, it wouldn't be a last resort for them.

I never asked if they had fertility issues, it wouldn't affect my decision. However, my mom didn't feel she could accept them if they didn't have fertility issues, that she had no control over her grand daughter being adopted and who she was being adopted to. It was a heated conversation that ended with me telling her to pull it together and I couldn't handle her falling apart, I was having a hard enough time keeping myself together.

I started to worriy a winery may have been a really bad idea.. loose lips sink ships and all that.

Saturday was a beautiful day! Tom and Macii gave my parents a hilarious gift. We sat in the sun on the screened in deck eating subway and getting to know each other. We took two cars and Tom missed our turn to the winery because we were all laughing so hard over family tradition stories and flying bacon bits (be sure you are clear when asking for the bacon, you may get catapulted backwards in your chair by flying bacon bits due to miscommunication).

We arrived at Delaplane Cellars shortly after my parents and sister.

I feel like I missed out on quite a bit of the conversations because being the pregnant one I was in the bathroom every five minutes.

A winery brought up some questions.. what if they don't drink? What if my family drinks too much? Does that look wrong that the pregnant woman suggested a winery? I of course drank water and really just wanted to enjoy a gorgeous view.

There were a few comments and questions asked by my family that made me uneasy. My sister asked them outright if they had fertility issues. I was pissed! That could have been a very painful topic for them. It turned out they wanted to avoid the possibility of passing some genetic things to a child and both wanted to adopt.

My sister then told Macii and Tom she didn't like the name we all picked out together and would call her by her initials. Again, I was really angry. Since hearing the story about how BB's name was chosen and the significance behind it, my family loves it and it fits her so well.

Normally I would recommend a much shorter visit as I think by that time we were all exhausted, but we were also really enjoying each others company. We headed back to the house to take care of the dogs. They got to meet my Bullmastiff Max and my parent's two crazy bull terriers.

My parents enjoyed showing Tom and Macii my baby pictures. I'm sure they enjoyed that as well, to get a glimpse into what their daughter may look like. We went out to dinner at Glory Days, had a really nice time and called it a night afterwards. They dropped me off at my apartment and I hugged tightly telling them thank you, I loved them and I couldn't be happier that we would soon be family.

Tom made a great observation about the meeting, that is was like a first date that leads to marriage. No pressure!

I told them I would send updates on my appointments and how BB was doing and that I would see them soon.