The Phone Interview

I had confirmed with the agency the phone interview would take place on July 16, 2015.

Graceful Adoptions sent me a list of recommended questions that I modified to what I was looking for. Dutch never called into the phone interview, which at the time was really surprising and very hurtful. This was my e-mail to him that included the questions and my notes from the interview.

I hope this provides some insight to what kind of life I wanted my daughter to have. There was not a single response that made me pause for concern, I would have answered them in almost the exact same way.

My e-mail to Dutch:

"I took notes from the phone interview I had with the couple if you want to read over them. I'm working on having them come visit either the weekend of Aug. 1 or 8th for two days. If you'd like to meet them, I'll let you know what dates and times they will be here. They are going to meet my parents and sister.

Not sure if you have talked to Karen or not, but just so you know I haven't made any comments to anyone about you other than you don't know if or how you want to participate in any of this.

Question 1: Tell me about your relationship. How long have you been together?
Response 1: They met in 2009 on match.com. Their first date was dinner. They had funny strange conversations about vegetables and goats. Their second date was a hockey game. She got up to go to the concession stand, it took so long he thought she left. He was sooooo happy when she returned. A year a half later they were engaged, and have been married 4 years this November.

Question 2: How do you solve problems?
Response 2: Communication, we talk about it, we go for long walks while we talk things out, with bigger problems we cant come to an agreement on we make a pros and cons list.

Question 3: How do you disagree?
Response 3: Her: - I guess I'm a typical girl I want to talk things out and know exactly what his thoughts are on everything.
Him:- I'm a typical guy i prefer to internalize things, that causes disagreements between us, but that's when we go for those walks

Question 4: What was it about your partner that made you fall in love with him/her?
Response 4: Her- He is the nicest most considerate person I've ever met, hes so good with my family and friends, we share the same humor. Him: She is creative quirky she introduces me to new music, and takes me to new places like coffee shops

Question 5: What is the thing you like most about each other?
Response 5:  Her- he is my best friend. If i get really excited about something he will get just as excited if not more so, and same thing if its not good news, he's right there. Him- She balances me, I'm an auditor and surrounded by people who do the same thing day in and day out, a lot of numbers and very hum drum, coming home to her creativity and energy is a breath of fresh air, its my favorite part of the day

Question 6: What do you like least?
Response 6: Her- we're a good team with chores, but I
hate the way he cleans (sorry!) Him: that's OK, I hate the cleaning expectations you put on me

Question 7: What is your relationship like with your families?
Response 7: Him-very close, 1 younger sis who has w/ 3 kids, Sunday dinners spent together. Her- parents, older bro, older sis, 2 nieces, farm, trips, niece is a teenager making a movie, which they both have roles in, both sides get along really well

Question 8: Tell me about your life style?
Response 8: concerts, sporting events, BBQs, day trips, church, travel

Question 9: Tell me about your support system?
Response 9: family, his parents retired, hes got a very large extended family his mom was 1 of 10 siblings and they all live close, She has a smaller family, Christmas is HUGE. Her family is much smaller but both sides couldn't be more excited for them to adopt.

Questions 10: How involved are you in your church? Religion? Beliefs? How will that
influence your child as hey get older?
Response 10:  catholic mass every sunday evening (catholic), he volunteers to lecture once a month, keeps them grounded and thankful, golden rule, help others, treat others as they want to be treated

Question 11: Tell me about work/life balance in your home?
Response 11: She is a graphic designer, but will become a stay at home mom, he works 8-5 flexible and cant wait to have to leave work early for games or dances or family events, very flexible schedule

Question 12: Do you travel?
Response 12: big passion! she has been to 5 countries, month long photography trip. he travels- weekend and day trips, 2 weeks in spain, brings her on work trips, they want to continue to travel

Question 13: Do you have any pets?
Response 13: no but love animals, her my parents have a farm with goats, horses, cattle, owls, kittens, we're up there all the time. him- let's be honest.. you have an unhealthy obsession with kitten. Her- it's true.

Question 14: Why are you adopting?
Response 14: before meeting they felt they would want to adopt, she was hesitant in having that discussion with him, but he had always felt the same way

Question 15: When did you first decide you wanted to to start a family?
Response 15: talked about it while dating, really excited

Question 16: How do you feel about parenting an adopted child?
Response 16:  soooooo excited!families excited! Him- i feel like im saying the word excited every
other word.. we just are, I'm probably just saying that too much

Question 17: Do you plan on having more children?
Response 17: talked about maybe adopting two, right now id like to focus on just the one and see where that takes us, we both have siblings we love so we will probably be open to that in a few years

Question 18: What do you look forward doing most with your child?
Response 18: Her: day to day, holding, feeding, changing, cant wait to be reading together, taking trips, introduce them to the world, I can teach photography or while I am doing graphic design she can be coloring next to em, Him: excuse to get out of work for sporting events!

Question 19: How would you discipline your children?
Response 19: guidance and positive feedback, encouragement and feedback, counting, time outs if needed

Question 20: What are you favorite activities to do individually and together now?
Response 20: individually- creative photography, graphic design, crafts and teach them how to.. him: i'm eclectic, love reading!!!! museums, sporting events, farmers market, volunteering, family community events

Question 21: Do you have any adoption connections in your family?
Response 21:  her- 2 adopted cousins

Question 22: How do you feel about the child knowing their birth family?
Response 22: open and supportive, we've done a lot of research that its best for the child and both families to be involved in the child's life. Why would we deny anyone from loving our child? more love the better they are completely open to regular updates and annual visits

Question 23: I think I mentioned to you that I want to make sure she has a family that accepts her no matter what and that she can talk to about anything... adoption, sex, sexuality, etc. I told them about my sister's coming out as a lesbian and asked what their reaction would be in that situation? I just want to make sure she's accepted for who she is in every way...
Response 23: we will love her no matter what

Question 24: I asked if there was anything they wanted to ask me and they asked if I had any family traditions i want them to include, I hadn't thought about that.

I forgot to ask them how they felt about you being involved or not being involved. I also forgot to ask if they had a name in mind. I couldn't even get past the letter A when I first looked at names, but the agency recommended naming her with the adoptive family so that way we don't know her by one name and then in six months her name is changed legally on her birth certificate. I like Josephine and Catalina. Maybe one could be her middle name, that's how I got mine.

There's definitely a level on trust on both sides.. that I will follow through on the adoption and that they will follow through on what they say they will do and not cut off all communication once they adopt the baby, its scary."