Choosing Parents for my child

During one of my counseling sessions, my social worker recommended I make a list of the reasons I decided to place my daughter for adoption. Whenever I doubted my decision I could refer to the list. The list lines up nicely with what I was looking for in adoptive parents. Here it is:

1. My daughter would receive more love. Not less. She would have two committed parents in love who want a baby more than anything. Instead of a single parent. Instead of just me and my family she gets her mom, her mom's family, her dad, her's family, me and my family.

 2. I can't be a stay at home mom. I LOVE my career. I have a lot of respect for single working  parents, but it's not something I can do without being stressed and stressing my daughter. I can find a family who will have someone able to stay at home with her and provide a calming, loving and fun environment for her.

3. I have a studio apartment. There is hardly enough room for my dog and I. I'd like her to have a home.

4. I want her to have opportunities to travel. I travel all the time, it's not a schedule conducive to a newborn though, and it's hard to travel on your own with a child.

5. I want her to grow up in a family where education is important. I'm about to start a Masters Degree. I would have to put those plans on hold, which sounds selfish but I'm not in a good place to be a parent for many reasons, this is just one of them.

6. I want an open adoption. I'd like updates at least quarterly and annual visits.

7. I want her to grow up in a spiritual home, they don't have to be Roman Catholic, but I'd like her to grow up in a supportive community and learn values and norms from others in addition to her parents.

8. I want her to be loved unconditionally, no matter how she turns out.

Some other questions I was asked to consider:

Does is matter if the couple is having infertility issues? Nope, I just want her to be adopted by a family who supports adoption and will love her unconditionally.

Does it matter if they have children already or want more children? No. I loved growing up with a sister, but preferably I would like her to be the first because I would like her to be spoiled and doted on, but that's not any type of deal breaker.


Based on that information, Dutch and I were given several profiles of families approved by Graceful Adoptions. I was getting frustrated Dutch was not more involved with the process. He told me that I was the one driving the train. That's true because he wouldn't reply for days or weeks and I couldn't wait. I replied it would be nice to have some input. We looked over the families separate and came to the same conclusion.

Reasons we chose the couple we did:

Baby girl's mom had a creative side, was artistic, has a communications background, she would be a stay at home mom as she was gone
Baby girl's dad was very financially savvy. 
Their extended families lived close, she would grow up around A LOT of cousins.
They are educated, quirky, fun loving, catholic, they travel, are close with their families, and most importantly wanted to adopt.


Every birth mom and biological father will have different reasons and different preferences. Those were mine. I emailed the agency letting them know who we wanted to interview.