Finding out I was Pregnant... at 32 weeks

It sounds nuts right? How could someone not know they were pregnant until month 8. I sent an e-mail to my closest friends. The subject line was "you might want to sit down for this..."

 This is the e-mail.




"I've had a cough for a few months that I have not been able to kick, and have been to a lot of specialists and nothing has seemed to help it. So on Monday last week after our an awesome 4th of July lake trip I went back to my doctor and told her I've been coughing so hard my stomach cramps up, well she had me pee in a cup and came in yelling "CONGRATULATIONS!" I shot back a very short and confused, "For what?" "you're pregnant," she replied.

Hello heart attack, especially considering I've been on Depo Provera shot for 2 years. The doctor was close to my parent's house so I drove there to see my mom. I couldn't even get the words out I was crying to hard. She knew I had a doctor's appointment for my cough and was worried I had been diagnosed with some fatal respiratory disease and I was finally able to get out the words, "I'm pregnant." She consoled me and told me, "oh? oh! oh.. pregnant is OK, pregnant is not dying, we can do this."

I left there and went to Dutch's place Monday night July 6. We were already having a rough time and it got ugly. I cried, he didn't give a lot of feedback, we talked about all of our options. It turned into yelling and me leaving. We left it that I would look into all the options and let me know.

My doctor sent me to get a sonogram on Wednesday afternoon. The technician FREAKED me out. She barely started and then RAN out of the room, she came back in and said she needed to call my primary care doctor before she could tell me, but then decided that she had an obligation to tell me anyways. I am 32 weeks along and due on Aug. 27. A baby girl, all measurements and fluid levels are normal.

I know it's hard to believe, but I really had no idea. It's really the last thing I could have ever wanted, with these circumstances anyways. I've been on the Depo Provera shot for 2 years, so no period. Also my clothes never got any tighter, but i had wondered why if i working out so much and had such a calorie deficit why I was just staying at the same weight. I haven't had any aches or pains but i drank a ton of water and have always been good about taking vitamins. So there were definitely some signs I should have picked up on, (calf muscle cramps, and peeing all the time) but at the same time being on the shot it was the furthest thing from my mind. I also am glad i'm not a smoker and not much of a drinker.

Also, I was drinking water way more water than usual to try to flush out my cough, so it would make sense I would need to pee more.

My family really wants me to keep her and have offered for Max (dog) and I to move home so they could help with everything. I have not lived at home in a REALLY long time. I'm a planner and researcher so I feel like I've missed 8 months of information, appointments and opportunity to prepare.

Not expected, not planned for, and Dutch has pretty much bailed. I didn't want to see him in person after our first fight, so we talked on the phone and soon after a few texts I haven't heard from him.

My family and I had an entire plan in place to move home, how schedules would work to avoid daycare costs, baby stuff. My daughter wouldn't have ever wanted for anything, but I think a huge part of my success in life has bee having two committed parents who love each other, and she wouldn't have that with Dutch and I. Adoption, as much as I know my family wants me to keep it, her not having two parents is something I can't help, but I can help her by choosing an open adoption.

I found this organization:

http://gracefuladoptions.com/considering-adoption/

I like that they do criminal background checks, medical clearance, financial review, etc. They require a letter from their doctor stating they are free of any medical, mental or emotional condition that would affect their ability to parent, a proof of insurance, a proof of employment and proof that they are financially stable. The adopting family get a home check and has to attend classes. They have a D.C. office.

I've had three meetings with them and from the little I heard from Dutch he said he supports my decision and agrees with the family i'd like to interview for adoption: ( I attached the PDF of their profile). They have big extended families! She is into photography, reading, open to lots of communications and visits and she's a stay at home mom!

I have a phone interview with them on Thursday night at 6:30.

I know its one heck of a shock, but if i'm not around for a lot of things.. that would be why, or you run into me and I look huge (which i expect to happen soon). It's not any kind of secret I need to keep or feel ashamed of, birth control failed, was in a on again off again relationship for years. I didnt do anything stupid so I dont mind sharing the news with people.

I also decided that 6 weeks is not enough time to prepare, to deal with my dad's cancer diagnosis, my aunt's cancer diagnosis and on top of that I may need to go to St. Louis soon for my grandfather who is not doing well.

(A few months prior I had dinner with a few friends and we were talking about Chinese Horoscopes.) Remember when we had dinner at Joe's Montana Grill and the chinese horoscope thing said worst year ever? It's really living up to that!"

A few photos from 4th of July weekend with my friend Sarah... just two days before finding out I was 32 weeks pregnant.